Given some free time this evening, (which I rarely ever have) I thought it would be a good idea to go to the movies alone. In fact, I was so excited to try this courageous experiment, and write a blog post on it when I got home. However, something quite strange happened instead!
As I walked towards the doors of the Cinema, floods of hundreds of people squeezed through the door frames, in a frenzy of conversation, critiquing, and love. I’m normally not affected by people, but the crowd burdened me, and added weight to my shoulders.
As I moved past the crowds of people, successfully entering the building, I still persevered to the ticket booth.
But the further I walked towards the crowds that inhabited the interior of the cinema, the thicker the air became; trying to swallow the viscous substance proved difficult.
I felt the weight on my shoulders peak, and a black cloudiness overcame my vision. The room began to spin, and my mind stopped thinking, and processing information.
I can’t remember having an attack like this before. one where the world stops spinning, and I lose the sense of where I am and what I’m doing. Perhaps I never noticed the crowds before, but my more enlightened self, which I believe I have become, holds a sensitivity to those situations.
I turned around, exited the building, and drove home.
It got me thinking though, some people go through this on an every day basis. I couldn’t function given the anxiety attack I was going through, others probably feel that way four or five times a day. For some, maybe passing someone on the sidewalk inspires the same feeling. Maybe answering the phone, or sending an email.
My thoughts today go out to the one’s who live a life weighed down and burdened by anxiety; a life where every step forwards is a huge feat, and a goal can be as simple as saying hello to someone.
People are beautiful, and the world is beautiful; maybe anxiety is the definition of ruin. Attacking the beauty in the world, and making it near impossible to enjoy.